Dancing at the Funeral

It was never going to be a 'standard' funeral, and by the time we had reached the end of the opening hymn (All Things Bright and Beautiful) it was clearly going to be a memorable one.

Sandra had been born with learning difficulties 59 years ago, but had been blessed with wonderful family and friends who enabled her to live a full and happy life.  She passed away suddenly and unexpectedly just before she could celebrate her 60th birthday. But the funeral turned out to be a celebration as great, or greater, than any birthday party.

Her friends from the Day Centre and fellow members of the community where she lived in Banstead set the tone for a lively rendition of the songs. They also contributed to the spontaneous spoken tributes that people gave to Sandra. And most memorably of all, they danced and sang to Sandra's favourite song 'Dancing Queen' ...

Sandra had been a member of St Peter's Church all her life, and had worshipped with us on the Sunday before she died. In 2012 she had been Confirmed at St Peter's in a service that meant a lot to her and her family at the time, and means all the more now - why on earth would we have ever excluded her from Communion? 

During the tributes from the family, we learned more about the health issues that Sandra had faced in recent years, and how the family had to fight her corner in the face of medical professionals who made assumptions and judgements about her worthiness to receive treatment for a life-threatening condition.  In the end, the dialysis that she received (and did so stoically) added another 2-3 years to her life. We also heard how her parents had made a decision early on in Sandra's life to care for her at home, which was against the prevailing practice of placing children with special needs in residential care, and to include her in family life in every way they could - it was a decision that turned out to be a blessing to all of them.

Some of Sandra's friends at the home in Banstead

Sandra's is a family with deep Christian convictions, and 3 members of the family each read a Bible passage. We looked more closely at Jesus promise in John 14, to 'go ahead and prepare a room' for his friends. Sandra was a friend of Jesus. We looked a photographs of doors that she was familiar with - the door of her home, the door of St Peter's Church - both places where she was happy, safe and loved. We thought about the peaceful and happy place that she is in now, happier than we can begin to imagine, with her friend Jesus.
It was a service full of celebration and hope. And it gave me the opportunity to say something that I have never said at a funeral before, and will probably never will say again* - 'I think that we have been sitting down and listening for long enough - let's listen to ABBA again, and feel free to stand up and dance if you wish'. And they did! 

Thanks be to God for the life of Sandra Rowe.

(* Though it was suggested to me after the funeral that it should be introduced at other funeral services...)